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Topic: December 21st: [Pieces Of] The End of the World  (Read 2399 times)
Permalink  •  December 21, 2012, 05:31:35 PM
December 21st: [Pieces Of] The End of the World
« on: December 21, 2012, 05:31:35 PM »

Most of us have probably heard about the apocalypse that was supposed to happen today (or have happened already, depending on your time zone).  These predictions about the end of the world are invariably false, as evidenced by... the world... still existing.  But somehow, such prophecies are still created, and even more strangely, believed.  This evening we will investigate the cause of this phenomenon.

One of the more widely believed theories is that they are concocted to stir up interest in apocalyptic movies.  To this I say, " :fuckyou:."  Apocalypse movies aren't even that great.  The film companies just make up stories about the end of the world like there's no tomorrow, without bothering to make an actually good movie.  The last remotely apocalyptic movie I remember watching is - I can't even remember the name of it, honestly.  It was the one based on the Douglas Adams book, whatever that was.  With the towels and the thumb ring.  Clearly this is not the reason behind our mysterious augurings.

Some people get their doomsday ideas from their religion, most of which are ridiculed to various extents to begin with, and so are generally not treated as plausible.  On the flip side, there are scientists who predict the end of the world happening due to a "global warming" or "nuclear winter" or the impact of a "comet."  This is simply too fantastic to believe.  Just look at those names!!  Who even thinks those up anyway?  I, for one, trust my political leaders when they tell me that there is no significant evidence to support things like "climate change."  I defy you all to show me a scientist whose climate predictions don't make mister rogers vomit explosively in his grave.

Then there are those who believe the cult of "internet geeks" is to blame.  I have to confess, I had to do some research on this one, because I have not until now bothered to waste my time on what is called by the cool kids nowadays "the tubes."  A reputable source gave me this definition:
Quote
A vast tundra of knowledge, now corrupted and slowly imploding on itself. Those caught on the outskirts enter a void of stupidity and insecurity. Eventually, it will completely cave in on itself, and then explode with such force, we will all be sent to an information oblivion. Random bits of intelligence will float amongst vast oceans of idiocy, and all of man kind will commit suicide in a futile effort to repent for creating such a weapon of mass destruction. God will not accept their sacrifice, and everyone will go to hell, where Satan will get pissed off at the extreme overpopulation of his facilities, and send everyone to someplace copletely unihabitable, like Utah.
While it may sound like a place rife with apocalyptic symptoms, just bursting at the seams, ready to unleash its intolerably vile innards onto the outside world, this is not so.  Most researchers will stop there, confident that they have found what the internet contains and know its significance.  But I dug deeper.  I found the one man who can answer this conundrum - the very creator of the internet itself, Al Gore.  He was able to remove this possibility completely from my list, narrowing it down to our final conclusion.  Unfortunately, he began to speak of "environmental responsibility" which sounded a lot like my previous point, so I had to get the heck out of there, and I was unable to get a photograph as proof of having spoken to him.

The only possible cause left, as shown by my methodical deductions, is therefore that the apocalypse has already happened.  We have all been sent to hell, and our punishment is to eternally deal with these craptastic prophesying fat clods.

Keep your friends close and your enemies drunk.

Don't trust anyone.

Gamma Metroid out. :smokin:
押忍!
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Permalink  •  December 21, 2012, 07:12:01 PM
Re: December 21st: [Pieces Of] The End of the World
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2012, 07:12:01 PM »

The world ended when Obama was re-elected president.

(THIS POST WAS PAID FOR BY THE REPUBLICAN PARTY)
« Last Edit: December 23, 2012, 04:09:39 AM by KennyMan666 »

Quote from: SABERinBLUE
I'm straight, and I don't like insinuations that I'm not straight. It's easy to say "not that there's anything wrong with that", but for me, I'm straight, so there is something wrong with me being gay, that being that I'm not gay. I'm proud of being straight and the idea of being gay goes against my biological wiring.
Permalink  •  December 22, 2012, 07:45:59 PM
Re: December 21st: [Pieces Of] The End of the World
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2012, 07:45:59 PM »

A wise DS game box once told me that the world ends with me. I don't even know what that means?
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