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well they had xiaomu who was a 300-something-year-old midget so i guess they did this to offset that!

Thoughts so far:

1) I'm sad this bitch is replacing Henry as your avatar. Henry fit you so damn well lol.

2) Who the FUCK thought that getting that "cross" thing in there was worth having both an "XP" and and "EXP"? Actually, who though naming a main character "Mii" on a Nintendo platform was a good idea?

3) Is moving with with the circle pad instead of the d-pad really fucking annoying like I think it would be? I know I never touched the circle in Fire Emblem even after switching to "digital" but than again this game is isometric style camera.

4) So not only do we have thousands of HP already on the first map, but the enemies' max HP is 3357. We needed four significant digits for this shit, apparently. Man the number inflation is going to be really stupid isn't it?

5) "You are only allowed 99 turns of PxZ fun per stage." fucking lol

1) Yeah, I'm actually kind of feeling the same way. I most definitely wasn't planning on keeping this for the duration of the playthrough!

2) Stay tuned for the intermission where I make a mii of Mii and play Mario Kart or something with her.

3) It's not that bad, actually. It's more comfortable than the circle pad is in Fire Emblem, as it's used for character movement rather than cursor movement. There's a "free cursor mode" that can be used to select other units to check their stats or whatever, but I find it a bit more comfortable to cycle through them with L and R.

4) Be sure to take a glance at the boss's HP in prologue 2! But yeah, one of the great things with Fire Emblem that you lose with numbers like this is the ability to mental math every possible battle interaction. Here, it's more guesstimation. Like, alright, this dude has about 3500 HP and this unit does about 2200 damage a turn. The only consistency at all really comes from the damage averaging out due to the huge number of hits that occur in a battle. I'll let you guys know when (if?) I feel like I'm actually using strategy to play this game!

5) Luckily, the dialogue comes on top of that at no additional charge.

Prologue 2 - Where The Strong Survive (Post 1 of 3)

im back, and much like an Angry Internet Reviewer i am doing something that i said i never wanted to do and blaming the gods for punishing me by forcing me to comment on images, oh the horror





Wowie, fancy panning effects! You sure have come a long way, monolith-something-another guys!




We join this Cliche Anime Conflict, already in progress

No, it's not! Besides, there's something wrong with you, isn't there?!
Uhm, EXCUSE me, "Project Cross Zone", but Jin already settled his issues with the devil gene in the previous canon of Namco X Capcom! Geeeez!

I came here to find out what's happening to me. It has to be here somewhere.
"My library book about coping with becoming satan, that is!"




Hey, isn't this place a little familiar looking...?



They shoulda called this game, Namco X Capcom: HD Remake!




Oh, wait, there were different kind of demons here last time. Nevermind, moving on!



*cjflo pop noise*




AAHH! Why is the hentai version of Twelve here!?




The Silver Streaker




Hello, I Am A Protagonist Too!




How much do you want to bet this game would feel just about the same if you replaced the sprites for these two with Chun-Li and Ryu? Because I imagine this dialogue is going to give them just about the same personality.


Are you guys all right?
Are you... Pai? The action movie star?
Oooh, wait a minute, this lady is Apparently A Movie Star, instead of being Apparently A Detective! Phew, you sure do know how to shake things up!

Oh, we must be on a film set! I should've guessed, what with those devil guys and that silver robot.
Here Comes The Wacky Misunderstandings




To all the viewers at home, keep a mental count of how many women in this game have a random 'turn your ass toward the camera' pose! There will be a prize given to whoever has the correct answer at the end of this 'fest.


I don't know about those monsters, but that silver robot is Dural. We're pursuing her. Me and my bodyguard, that is.
I don't remember anything about beingg your bodyguard, Pai.
Wah Wah Waaah, The Game

Name's Akira Yuki. I'm a martial artist. Who are you?
Oh! I'm Ling Xiaoyu! This is Jin Kazama. He's--
Forget about me. You two get Xiaoyu out of here. Now! The devils are after... me!
Oh that crazy Jin, always thinking devils are out to kill him!

... Jin Kazama? Wasn't that the name of the new head of the Mishima Zaibatsu group?
No, it was the name of that Holy Shit Who Cares group.



TL;DR Version: we gotta party now

Prologue 2 - Where The Strong Survive (Post 2 of 3)



PxZ decides to 'mix it up', as it were, with a little bit of objective gameplay! My guess? Probably won't mean much in the long run!




And I assume we added this mechanic because the game's actual difficulty level has risen to compenstate?! Right?! Right!









theres more talking, why




it always comes down to this




Y'know, I watched Soap play all of this, but I still don't really grasp this mechanic. Apparently, instead of the whole Team Super Attack thing from NxC, you now can just massively increase your damage by having two units next to each other, allowing up to all 4 characters to attack at once. There doesn't seem to be any limitations on this, so, horray, more ways to cheese enemies!




Golly!




combat in this game is like a michael bay movie, its loud, obnoxious, goes on for far too long, and none of it really matters. And then you get to see the same shit for two fifty more sequels.



Only took, like, 4 tekken games to figure that out!




I sincerely appreciate that, thanks to a combination of the artist's constant use of 'flattering' female poses, and the awkward placement of the word bubbles, Juri spends the entirity of this game literally talking out of her ass.

Huh? Who're you?!
Shut up, you spiky-haired freak! My business is with this silver thing here.
Hi, I'm Juri Han and I will be your villain for this evening!



I'd say this lady is v. Dural

She's after her, too? And that outfit... A practitioner of Tawkwondo?
...yes, obviously.

It doesn't matter who I am, I'm just gonna take this thing and--
You're Juri Han, right? Agent for S.I.N.?
Wait, no, Pai, shut up, I wanna know what the poorly dressed lady is going to do with that naked lady!!




She looks pretty bored, honestly.

S.I.N.? That new military outfit has been making a name for itself.
Yeah, a BAD name!

Because they're all evil!

And because their name is also very, very stupid.

Military, huh? And now they're pursuing Dural... makes sense.
YUP.



Juri has a lot of 'movement' in her dialogue portraits, it's kinda silly when you think about her spinning in circles while talking to people!




I'd like to hand you guys a friendly reminder that we have had exactly one turn so far in this chapter thus far.



Juri, just stand still.


That's Ken Masters, top street fighters in the US.
Yeah. And that's Ryu, the wandering warrior. I was hoping I'd meet him someday.
Golly, what a great day to be alive in the world of fighting animes!

Jin, who're these guys?
People who get involved in things far too easily. Kind of like me.
"I really wish I would stop signing up for this shit.."

Quit yer yappin' already!
:crowdapplauding:

I thought capturing Dural would be a pushover. Now it's gettin' interesting!
Dural? Not the Judgment 6 one?
You know something about this, Ken?
NO HE DOESNT

SHUT UP

Yeah. We're involved in some pretty deep stuff here, man. ...I think I've seen those devils somewhere before, too.
:nxcvietnamflashback:




"It's all I really know how to do."




At this point, I think the audience realizes they aren't "strong" enough to finish this game. Or maybe that's just me!

Prologue 2 - Where The Strong Survive (Post 3 of 3)



"hey ryu hey hey ryu hey ryu hey"




"AAAH WHAT THE CHRIST"




FUCK YOU, WOOD!




So, like, on to turn 2.




and naked babyhead robot lady is apparently a threat so we gotta kill her




Wowie!




I have to admit, removing the enemy attack animations and replacing them with simple "HERE, HAVE YOUR DAMAGE" numbers was one of the bigger improvements made here.




doesn't really change the fact that we're dealing with some lengthy, repetitive fight sequences as a result of barely any strategic effort! And, you might think, well of course, it's still basically the tutorial stages! And to that I ask, you've never ever heard of namco x capcom before, have you?




and then i looked at her health bar and sighed




...i dont even need to say anything.




:mvc3:




No, maybe you shouldn't!




That'll be sort of hard now that he's apparently been transformed into a treasure chest!




This seriously goes on for, like, 6 more of these same combat sequences against Dural.





And then they just fucking leave, like they were going to do anyway, and we learned nothing from beating the shit out of them.

A TASTE OF THINGS TO COME.

Well, that's that. Now, can you tell us what's going on?
It's too long. I'll let her tell you.
"I'm the quiet, brooding protagonist, I can't talk for any extended periods of time."

Well, let me start with what happened when Jin and I got here...
Heh heh! Sounds like you guys are used to working with each other, huh?
Y...yeah. Great observation there.



Welp, bye!




No. Welcome to Project X Zone. Enjoy your stay.

i'm so amazed that they couldn't pay some guy off the street like $10 to write better dialogue

1) Where'd you get that pic in your avatar Soap? If so are there any for the Tales of, .hack characters and Jill Valentine?


2) That dialogue is so shitty. I would've gladly wrote for them for a lot less than they probably paid that guy.


3) It actually looks like they just ripped the Japanese script and just took the literal meaning of everything and just cleaned up the grammar. So sad, yet it's still a better story than Namco x Capcom!

SK: Eggcellent work. Welcome back... to the zone.

Namine: I cropped it from a pic from here: http://www.creativeuncut.com/art_project-x-zone_a.html

Not that I think I'm missing a whole lot, but the "how to support" has two of the same image instead of, I assume, the second block of text for that.

Prologue 3 - The Swords That Smite Evil (Post 1 of ?)



This episode of Project X Zone takes place inside Dexter's Laboratory.



Some wild west-lookin' fellow comes strollin in.



Dimensional transport device? Looks like a door to me.



Don't worry, the fan artists have you covered. http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts?tags=nanbu_kaguya



You sure it isn't just a doorknob or something?



If by "another world" you mean the living room, yes.



Kind of like the kitchen when you're sitting on the couch.



I don't know if I pointed it out earlier, but they like to name drop the games these characters are from in the dialogue here and there. It pretty much always seems as forced as this line right here.



Oh, Kaguya, you don't even know. You have no idea what you're in for.



But she uses a sword...



u can start with ma dick, ho!



It pans over to these portals.



Enemies teleport in... kind of slowly. 11 seconds elapsed between the previous screenshot and this one.



You can break some stuff on the field, which is kind of cool.



don't tell my heart, my achy BREAKⓎ heart



You can get items out of things. Also, you might notice the rocks are gone. I went and broke them before coming back to break this barrel. I don't know why I did that...



Now that we've busted shit up, it's time to bust shit up!



Yeah! You tell 'em!



Here's a neutral shot so you can look at the weapons. Kaguya's rockin' a pretty mean-ass sword. Haken's rockin' a gun that's nowhere near as mean-ass as Kaguya's sword.



No idea where her sword went, but all the flying whirly bladey things came from it.



Here's some more attacking. Just shooting and slashing and jumping around... no dancing or things flying around. I think I'll stick with the attack from the first gif.



I guess you could say your tits are huge ♪



Anyway, after that and another battle, the third transporter turns on!

Prologue 3 - The Swords That Smite Evil (Post 2 of ?)



Either that, or something's being sent from this side!



It's just some dude. Also, is this inside a ship? This isn't like those door jokes where I still kind of knew what they were talking about. It's not obvious that they're in a ship at all. Oh well, I doubt that's the most nonsensical thing in this game!



Wow, what a rude some dude this some dude is. First you enter our ship without even using the door, and then you ask our names?



Gotta get the first impressions right.

Would you mind if I asked yours?
Ah, there's my Princess. Ever the paragon of politeness, huh? I'm Haken Browning. Guess I oughta welcome you to the Endless Frontier.

Endless... except there's a wall over there. And over there. And there are walls over here too. Look, bud, it's just a name!

(Nanbu and Browning? Is this some sort of coincedence? And this is the Endless Frontier, he spoke of...)
...
I am Sänger. Sänger Zonvolt.



I am a crew member on the battleship Kurogane. I pilot the Dygenguard.
Dygenguard? Boy, that sounds pretty powerful.
Okay, Mr. Samurai. How 'bout we hear a little more about your story?

Sounds like we're gonna need some more dialogue to get this sorted out. Yep.



Sure isn't! Remember Namco X Capcom?

Hmm, I see.
It sounds like this "New AD" world of yours is pretty close to ours. So what do you think, mister? You're free to go back if you want. The coordinates for your New AD world ought to still be in the transporter.

Unless Kaguya accidentally pressed some buttons and broke it while she was cleaning.



As nice as tea with Kaguya sounds, I definitely agree that taking a transporter out of Project X Zone is the more attractive option here.

Sure thing, Mr. No-Fun. "Easy come, easy go," that's our motto here. I'll just get this dimensional transporter fired up, and...



...and pan over to this entirely different set of transporters.



Someone's coming in! Who could it be?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Prologue 3 - The Swords That Smite Evil (Post 3 of ?)



IT'S Q-BEE!



*Q-Bee noises*



wat



[/sarcasm]

No friends of mine. In fact, they look downright hostile.
I'll take care of this. You stay back.
I prefer to clean up my own mess, thank you.

Sänger's momma taught him right.



That's the shittiest mop I've ever seen. How are you going to clean anything with that?





Mmm? Certainly, but our enemies are right in front of us, Kaguya.
Don't worry. This won't take long.
O spirit of the sword, show thy presence for the sake of your Master.

[ INTENSIFIES]



A penis joke.

What'd you do to that thing, Princess Magic?
I feel this sword has been well taken care of. It is infused with the spirit of its wielder. All I did was release that energy.

Yep, a penis joke. Nothing else to say here.

Hmm!
"Hmm"? You get what she's on about, boss? Cause let me tell you, I sure don't. Can you even use this thing?
Absolutely. I am one with this sword. I wield it with my very soul!

I bet he wields it with his hands.



So he's just now giving his sword a name? Alright.

It suits you well, I think.
Well, great, Mr. Mystical. Glad to see you like it. Now how about we get started with... huh?



The two Q-Bees have just been sitting there this entire time.



jedhd o_o

Hmm... and what world might this be, if I may ask?

Just wait for the next name drop.



m'lady *tips le fedora*

I-I don't know whether to feel pleased or insulted.
That's one rude gentleman. Wonder what's up with him.
I feel he is... something unhuman. Haken! Kaguya! Do not let your guards down. He is dangerous.

He's a dark......................... stalker!



wat



I'm not seeing how this statement and the last one are supposed to be the same.



I hear ya.



Motherfucker just got TOLD.



Yeah! Go good guys!

Prologue 3 - The Swords That Smite Evil (Post 4 of 4)



Finally, we reach the title card.



This is about the best attitude one can have given the crazy shit that's going to happen in this game.



Victory: Make the other guy die
Defeat: Die




As far as I know, there's no downside to doing this so you should pretty much always do it if you have the option.



"That was easy"



Q-Bees are pretty fast. They get two turns before I even get one.



It doesn't explain past this, but I think this lets you get more XP (not to be confused with EXP) during a battle.



Don't nobody wanna fuck with Q-Bee.



As you can see, Sänger can be called at any time by pressing L.



By the way, I didn't show it earlier, but here's the bottom screen so you can see what options I have right now.

The "D" status effect on Sänger's move is "Down", which I think just prevents the unit from doing counter-attacks.



Just a nice clean shot of Q-Bee being hit. Look at that face.



And here's what happens when I summon Sänger.



It's not a very decisive blow if it leaves the enemy alive with 252 HP...



The counter-attack that I do after it takes its turn sure is decisive, though.



Man, whatever, dude.



fuck u



How fast are they in relation to regular clouds?



But it's called the Type-X Colossal Blade. You just named it that.

Say, is that pronounced with a letter X or with a "cross"?



And here's Haken and Kaguya's special attack. As flashy as it is, it didn't quite finish Jedah off.



Well, if we couldn't kill him on our turn, we'll kill him on his turn!



This took about two seconds.



Wasn't he in the last game?



You tell him!



""""""""""""""""""""""salvation""""""""""""""""""""""



"Once you and I are one"? This guy is WEIRD.



Oh no!

Oh, great. That devil guy's pretty much wrecked the thing.
Haken, do you mean...
You guessed it. Looks like we put too much stress on the transporter.
Ngh. So I can't return to my own world now?

Once you're in the Zone, you're in for good.



She doesn't look like a scientist to me...



And they had tea and lived happily ever after... until the next time they show up. I don't know when that'll be!

And here's Haken and Kaguya's special attack. As flashy as it is, it didn't quite finish Jedah off.

But... but... it CUT HIM IN HALF!

Actually, maybe Jedah could survive that, I don't know. But nearly anyone else...