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This is a collection of pictures of the shit Rick sent me. Thanks to all of you for donating! Time to see what your dollars bought you!

The ROB amiibo is for scale, and the censor is so none of you find my address and send me even more shit.

Also you got me fucked up if you think I'm writing something elaborate like Anti did. Just regular captions ahead, folks.



There was a lot of tape on this bad boy. As I put a nonzero amount of effort into putting the knife in so I could cut through it, I wondered if this is for my own safety.



IT BEGINS.



I'll let you know if I win that trip to Hawaii!



"You look so much better with something in your mouth" - what Rick is probably trying to say by sending me this



I think a nice bed would help me sleep more than a mouth apparatus would...



What are you trying to say, Rick?



My teeth aren't that bad. Come on now.



Cough drops, huh?



Cherry represent! (These are mine. Rick didn't send me these.)



Just tools.



You're gonna get a few shots of my thumbnail in these pictures I guess! Let me know what you think. Should I pick up some clippers?



Easy decluttering... sounds like I'm gonna need that after I'm finished pulling all the shit from this box!



I use the orange Palmolive. It smells nice.



Shit lookin like a 100 mario expert level :100: :100: :100:



pickls



Gonna need some shelves to help with the decluttering!



Gonna need a toilet to replace the one I'm about to destroy with the diarrhea this PACKAGE is about to give me!



I'm good on Chevys. Thanks, though.



This is a shitty pic o the shorts I'm wearing. The specks are glitter. Every once in a while, some glitter comes from a thing I pick up.



I actually prefer regular mayo to Miracle Whip. How about you?



Where are my The Phantom Menace checks?



Pizza Snacks



Gotta turn the flash on for the picture of light fixtures because I dunno I guess I wanted to make that joke?

That's all the crumpled papers I decided to look at. More next post!

These are... window decorations. I don't know why I'd want any of these on my windows! Never know who you might accidentally tell to "be mine"...



These are some... fairy wing things? They're also the source of all the glitter hanging around on everything. Thanks, Rick.

It's also probably way too small for me to wear.



Here's a SAINT PATRICK'S

HAT

CHAPEAU

for me to wear.



That's all you're getting. Enjoy the shitty pictures.



I guess I'm supposed to color this and it's a poster? I'll get back to this later.



THE FOLLOWING IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY



Look, I found a use for this one already!



I... um... I'll have to look inside this one later.



A really beaten-up box containing a chocolate frog.







No expiration date. I wonder how safe this thing is to eat.



It's a yellow guy from the Facebook memes! Wow!



Here's another look!



And here's another!



I... I might try these, only to confirm that I still don't like them.



Alright, so I found this. This is, at least at first glance, a good thing. That can't be right! What kind of horrors wait inside?



Turns out the proper stuff is actually in there! You missed a big opportunity to troll me with this one, Rick...

Fun fact: I actually own Manos on DVD. Regular, non-MST3K.



I'll have to put this one aside for a while!



Here's a shitty camo hat of some sort.



It also functions as a glitter receptacle.



This one made me crack up for some reason. It's just so perfectly bad.



Bee balloon on a stick. I guess in case you want to wave it at someone?



Not sure how this pic came about, but it's a good spot to split the post!

This is a bad photograph of a worse sweater. You'll get a better look later.



Inside the sweater is...



Amazing. You've outdone yourself with this one, Rick. I want to find a time to actually use this.



Here's the "better" look I promised. It feels weird and is covered in glitter.



Here's a, um, whatever this is.



I also found this in the sweater. Unfortunately, it has a chip missing and a big crack down the side, so I won't be using this. Bummer!



nimrod. nimrod.



nimrod. nimrod. nimrod. nimrod. nimrod. nimrod. nimrod. nimrod.



A fairy wand to go with the wings earlier. Trying to assemble the whole costume I guess?



This apron's a little small for me. Too bad I don't work at McDonald's anymore though!

Sorry my arm hair is in such disarray!



I don't have a good way to stream SNES on actual hardware, so I'll have to find a way to emulate this later and make a video for you.



This thing is... really thin. I'll open it up later.



Me and you, and you and me
No matter how they tossed the dice, it had to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together



I've never shopped at PA before! I guess that's not something we have around here. Or it is and I've never noticed.



When you gotta blow eight motherfuckers out.



Um... whoopie!



I've never been a Rayman dude but this is pretty cool actually.



This is... wait. Who is this?



It doesn't say on the back. I guess this guy is just a nameless eXtreme fighter!



There are no batteries in this, but judging by the packaging it freed itself from during shipping, it probably sounds pretty generic.



I guess this goes with the hat from earlier.




This is pretty cool. Too bad it's plastic though... might not handle coffee that well!



An air horn. I tried it out and it's just a regular air horn, not the funny MLG kind.



Well, I bet these look great with damn near anything!







Again with the teeth!



I guess I'll have to profile some criminals later!



Trendy.



A... foot of some kind?



Turns out it's the lid for this bird pen thing.



Eight hats to go with the eight blowouts from before.



These are the premium fingerboards for kids who had money. The rest of us used paper ones.



a lion



And a sparkly talking fish! I guess I'll put batteries in this thing.

---

That's it for now. I'll post more detailed looks at some of the stuff another day.

Overall, this was a very shitty PACKAGE! I'll definitely be throwing a lot of this away after I get my kicks out of it, just because I have no use for it and nowhere good to put it.

Gonna be keeping the fish if it works, though. That's too dumb not to keep.

Thanks, friends!

 

So I am in the process of moving right now, and I decided to reuse the box Rick sent me for this to pack things in. After vaccuming out all the remaining glitter, I looked under the bottom flaps of the box out of curiosity. I found... a blue envelope, with a card in it!



More like... For JEWr Bar Mitzvah, amirite??!??!?!?!



 



Aw shucks. I mean, pretty much all of it is either in a landfill or on its way to a landfill right now, but I sure did appreciate the, um, thought that went into all this.

This is part of the PACKAGE that I will be keeping. <3